I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
