Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i've created a new STD.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
