my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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