You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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