Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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