Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
