You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
