Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
