Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
