So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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