Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
