I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
