ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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