I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also, beer. Big fan.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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