I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
