Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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