No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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