I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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