when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
