if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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