Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
