Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
