We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
