So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
