My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dicks are not precious.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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