I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just blew my weed a kiss
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
