i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
