I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
