I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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