dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
