I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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