why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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