Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need a beard to bite.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
