I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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