If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
