to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
