Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
