Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
