Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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