using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
