Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
