I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
