so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
