if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
