After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
