I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
