he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
