tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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