I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
