everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
