Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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