I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
